For most of us, holidays are a time of great expectations and fun that involves much planning and preparing.

For some, it can be just the opposite.  It can be a very depressing, and painful time of the year. This is true for children as well as adults.  

Why is this?  There is no easy answer, but one way to head off the holiday blues is to think about what the holidays mean to you. 

Then think about what you can expect to happen, so you will be prepared to deal positively with anything that causes your expectations to be unmet.  This will also work for children, to lessen their disappointments, if presented in a pro-active way. 

For example, in this time of divorced or separated parents, it is important to decide where the child will be, with whom, and discuss with the child how to handle it if it doesn’t work out as planned.  Even adults with mature coping skills hate to be blind-sided. It is even more devastating for kids.  Being stressed out and tired can very easily precipitate depression.  Mom thinks she has to do all aspects of the family rituals, i.e. decorating, baking, shopping, wrapping, traveling, special activities etc.   Dad  feels he has to go cut down the tree, help with what mom, spend considerable money on gifts, and cope with excited, tired children.  Money is a major concern always at this time of year, but even more so in 2009 because of the shaky economic situation. 

Extra expenditures and worry about lack of money are always stress producers.  Whoa up!  For all these reasons, we sometimes find ourselves dreading the very season that is supposed to be a fun, family time!  Reality does not always match our dreams.  We find ourselves feeling like we are acting a part in a play.  When we don’t feel good about what is going on, we can become sad, disappointed and resentful.   What can you do?  Anything, everything to change what you have always done.  Take a stand!  Decide this year to make many fewer home made cookies or even to buy them.  Purchased cookies will taste fine and may be even be less expensive than home baked ones.  Decide up front how many holiday events you will attend. You don’t have to attend any and you can select just a few.  Get some exercise.  Exercise is a great stress buster because the release of tension has a wonderful anti-depressant effect.  Continue or start to eat healthy.  Avoid fast food, as hard as that may be, when you are pressured for time.  Do not use alcohol to relax when stressed.  Alcohol is a depressant and can make you even sadder.  Alcohol also can cause miserable hangovers and make people behave badly to those around them, including those the drinker loves the most.  One of the questions you might ask yourself as you re-evaluate what you feel you “should” do for the holidays is “What is the worst that can happen if I don’t fill in the blank ?” If it’s not life threatening, let it go. 

Your family, friends and co-workers will be most appreciative because we all want this to be a fun, joyous time for every one. Should you want more specific information and hints about how to weather the holiday season with less stress, contact either Joan Stivers or Kimberly McRae Friedman at 7 Valleys Council on Alcoholism and Substance Abuse at 29 Central Avenue in Cortland or call 756-8970.  A member of Cortland Area Communities That Care Coalition, the Council welcomes your questions.  Have a peaceful holiday season and a prosperous New Year!  

Jean Shields is the Patient Services Coordinator at Family Health Network of Central New York, Inc.