October is designated by Advocates for Youth as “Let’s Talk Month”. This campaign, in accord with the CACTC goal of decreasing teen risk behaviors, encourages families to talk and communicate about sexuality. These discussions are important for families, because information about sex is everywhere in the media. With advanced technology our children can get information on anything. Much of what they can find is inaccurate, inappropriate and over their heads. Often, it is without context or any point of reference.

            It’s a parent’s role and responsibility to decipher these messages for their children. When it comes to talking to young people about sex, facts are only one piece of this puzzle. A parent should teach about the values that need to go with the information.

Parents worry that by talking to their children about sex it will encourage them to have sex. Research shows that talking to your children about sexuality does NOT encourage them to be sexually active.  

            Teens with strong connections to their parents are more likely to delay having sex and use protection when they are sexually active. Young people also say that they want to go to their parents about this sensitive topic, but they find it hard to talk about.

            So parents… start talking? First, take a deep breath and consider theses tips:

            1. Realize this is a lifetime of conversations not “the talk”. As your children grow and change so does the information that they need.

            2. Conversation involves more than talking. Listen too!

            3. Get clear on your values. Facts are the easy part. What is it you want your child to know about sexuality as they grow and form relationships?

            4. Don’t over react. This is a hard one but teens say they sometimes don’t talk to parents, because they are afraid their parents will get mad and jump to the wrong conclusions. Young children in particular ask questions simply because they are curious or they have heard someone say something and they want to know more.

            5. Be informed. An educated parent is a prepared parent. If you know common trends and what is happening than you know what to pay attention to. Being informed helps you create discussions about the topics you are concerned about and provides your child with values and information they will need.

            6. Be a role model. It’s especially hard for teens to believe and listen to parents if their words don’t match your actions.

            7. Keep trying. If you botch a conversation you can always go back and try again. For example say, “I was thinking about our conversation and I also want you to know…….”

            8. Ask their opinions about topics. Your children will surprise you about what they think and why. It is fascinating to hear a young person’s point of view on this topic. Having these discussions also gives a parent a chance to clear up misinformation or misconceptions.

            9. You don’t have to go it alone. There are lots of resources out there to help. Try the Jacobus Center for Reproductive Health, your church, synagogue or library.

            10. Remember you are already teaching your children about sexuality. Do you want them to learn with words and conversations or through silence?

            Need help talking to your kids about sex? Call the Jacobus Center for Reproductive Health at 607-753-5088.

Mary Dykeman is a Public Health Educator for the Jacobs Center for Reproductive Health at the Cortland County Health Department. You can contact her at 753-5088. She has been providing sexuality education for over 22 in the community, at schools and at area colleges.